Dissonance, Romance, Signaling: Examining the Space Between Belief and Behaviour
Exploring Moral Fashion and Personal Choices in Romance.
What We'll Explore
This session creates space for honest examination of the forces that shape who we're drawn to. We'll explore questions like: What drives the appeal of "otherness" versus familiarity? How do status hierarchies influence attraction? When do our romantic choices conflict with our stated beliefs, and why? Think of this as applied introspection with others navigating similar questions.
The Genesis Of This
In 2022, after attending a dating event in Toronto, a friend shared her frustration with feeling conflicted about her own attraction patterns. She expressed feeling torn between her stated values around diversity and her lived experience of who she found herself drawn to romantically. She asked if I (Abi, Be In Colour) could facilitate a space to explore these tensions; not to judge or change anyone's preferences, but to examine the complex interplay between personal attraction and cultural messaging. This request came up again with another friend who described similar internal conflicts about the gap between her intellectual beliefs and her romantic experiences. Both conversations revealed a common need: a non-judgmental space to explore the honest, unfiltered tension between social views and personal desires.
Our Purpose
This session aims to provide a space for nuanced self-reflection where participants can explore the tensions between societal structures, personal identity, and romantic choices. We're not here to make anyone justify their preferences or to suggest there are "right" or "wrong" attractions.
Rather, we'll examine how moral fashions, status signaling, and cultural conditioning intersect with genuine attraction. We’ll also look at how expressing certain beliefs about attraction might itself serve social functions we don't consciously recognize.
If you are interested so far, you may enjoy the following articles: Robin Hanson’s “Beware Moral Fashion” and Rob Henderson’s “Luxury Beliefs are Status Symbols”.
This event is open to anyone of any background.
This event is possible thanks to the Toronto Event Generator!
Details:
Date: Wednesday, September 10th, 2025.
Time: 7:15PM - 9:00PM
Location: Trajectory Labs, 30 Adelaide St E., Toronto, ON, M5C 3G8
Ticket: $5 - $15 (sliding scale)
Flow:
Introduction
Discussion
Close
FAQ:
Q1. Why did you write such a long, good description of this event, couldn’t it be shorter?
A1. Fair question. I respect your time, but a long description like the above helps people know what they are getting into, as well as filters in people who have patience (in theory), who (hopefully) will be patient with each other in a discussion that will have divergent view points.
Q2. Who is this for? Who can come?
A2. This was made in mind for the people who asked me, ethnic minority women, to host this conversation. But of course, ALL the people, of any kind, are welcome; as long as the event resonates with you.
Q3. How dare you?
A3. I was dared and I do. This event is to provide a space for honest, nuanced self-reflection where participants can explore the tensions between societal structures, personal identity, and romantic choices. The aim is not to make anyone justify their choices but to explore the intersections between personal, cultural, and societal dynamics and the ways they affect romantic relationships. There is no single right answer, and could be argued, no right answer.
Q4. Somewhere up there you mentioned the Toronto Event Generator, what’s that?
A4: I’m so glad you asked :D Run by Misha Glouberman and friends, it’s an initiative to make Toronto a better place to find fun, weird, high-participation events. They do this by supporting events with microgrants, finding venues, and promotion (like this one). Check them out on substack or instagram for more information.
Accessibility:
If you need accessibility support(s) please email [email protected].
Photography:
We may take photos or short videos during the event to capture the atmosphere. If you prefer not to appear in any images, please let us know in advance or notify program helpers upon arrival. We’ll work to honor your preference so you can fully enjoy the experience.
Refund Policy:
All purchases are final. Ticket transfers are possible.
Have the person you transfer your ticket to share your details and QR code.
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See you soon and take care!
Here’s a song in the meantime https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wFkLaspkD1k enjoy!